Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
