3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
