When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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