He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
