U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
