Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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