i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
