soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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