what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
