dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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