Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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