Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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