she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
