just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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