I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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