This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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