A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
