69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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