My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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