I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
