God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
