She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
