It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
