Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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