you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
