I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
