My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
