I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
