i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
