weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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