This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pooping to opera.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
