I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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