Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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