I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
