i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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