K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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