Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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