Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
