I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
