Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
