Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
