Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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