your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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