I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
