Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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