just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
