i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
