I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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