Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
