i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
