Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
