I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
