batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
