i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
