Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
