he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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