i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
