First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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