I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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