so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
