I love black thongs
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
