If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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