If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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