I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I want is dick and wine.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
