***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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