He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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