all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
