So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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