i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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