so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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