Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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