I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
