now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
