When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
