The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
