Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
God I need to hump something, right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
